My MS or Ms. Degree?

Life has been busy, complicated and crazy as I guess it’s supposed to be, so I apologize for not writing more often, and I wish you all a belated Happy New Year. Unfortunately, free time to write hasn’t been at the top of my priority list these days. But today I had a thought and figured I could use some self-therapy. So here we go…

I was talking to a friend about my progress on my MS (Masters of Science) degree and thought about that thing people say about girls going to college to get their M-R-S degrees (In case you don’t get it, people say girls go to college to meet their husbands, especially here in the South.). As I said “my MS degree” out loud, I wondered if the choices I’ve made in my life were not only helping me in my advanced education, but also if I was cursing myself to a life as a single Miss.

Of course I don’t want to be single forever (who does?), but looking back there are times where I definitely pushed people away. My life experiences (family issues, past dating situations, etc.) have lead me to believe that men will always hurt women, but I know that’s not the case. For one, I know there are plenty of crappy women out there, and for two, I know there are tons of amazing guys out there. So why does my mind assume all men are bad? And when it does make that assumption, why does my mind create problems that don’t actually exist?

Let me explain. Recently, I was talking to a guy who treated me like a princess – he told me I was beautiful daily, texted me every morning, opened doors for me… you know, the exact things girls want their men to do. And even though things were going great, my emotionally scarred brain decided to turn everything upside down. I think it’s because as soon as I start having real feelings for someone, I immediately put a wall up and turn on the crazy so I (without realizing it or wanting to) can sabotage the relationship and avoid getting seriously hurt in the long run.

For any guys or girls out there who can relate, I sure as hell hope that we can soon learn to risk a little heartbreak, or else we may be looking at a long, windy and lonely path. Even in my short years, I’ve learned that love doesn’t come around often, and when it does you have to be prepared to put your heart on the line. Sure, there will always be the chance that you could get hurt. But then there’s the other chance that you won’t. And if we don’t take that risk, that initial jump into free-fall, we will never allow ourselves to feel anything – good or bad, pain or love.  Are you ready to take the leap of faith?

First & Last Date or Last First Date?

First dates – some of you are in relationships and haven’t been on a first day in a while, some of you are married and hopefully won’t ever go on a first date again, but for those of us who are single, first dates are typically a frequent event. If you haven’t been on one recently, let me remind you… you’ve either met this person in a bar or through a mutual friend or maybe you met them online (as many people do these days).  You make plans to grab drinks, have dinner or something else. There are the pre-meeting nerves, the “do I look okay?” doubts, the “will he/she be as I remembered/expect?” thoughts, it’s really the anticipation that kills. But once you’re on the date and have survived the initial awkwardness, things usually get better. Usually.

So first dates can go in a variety of directions. If you’re lucky, you have a night of good conversations, laughs and a few drinks. And if you’re really lucky, you’ll have that mutual attraction, maybe get a kiss goodnight, and hopefully hear from the person within a few days. If you’re not so lucky you might not feel the attraction, conversation might be awkward, or it may be so bad that you have to sneak out the back door somehow (not proud, but yes, I’ve done this). Each first date is a new opportunity to make a good impression and either come away with a friend, a potential relationship or worst-case scenario, just another first date under your belt.

So my question is, how many first dates can a person take in their lifetime? Are we meant to be able to endure an infinite number of first dates, awkward or not? Because after each failed attempt, I feel my tolerance slowly disintegrating along with my faith in the honesty of people. If you’re not feeling the date, why don’t we just say so? Why do we just leave the person wondering at the end of the date whether the other person is going to call? I’m guilty of this too, so I’m including myself in this rant, but why can’t we just say what we are thinking and feeling and be done with it? Maybe it comes down to not wanting to hurt peoples’ feelings, but I think never calling them again or ignoring their text messages probably does more damage. Anyways, the first dates have to end somewhere. These days my first dates tend to be last dates, but hopefully one day I’ll have a last first date instead.  Until then, I’m going to enjoy each first date as much as I can… I’m in no rush.